We are all influenced by those around us and what we see others doing. Sometimes, we will make life-changing decisions for no other reason than because we think it’s the right thing to do. As Don Draper asks his colleague Lane in the series Mad Men – is it what you want, or is it what is expected of you? He suggests that we often act not in our best interest, but instead the way we feel society expects us to act. This causes some to obtain university degrees that they never use, for unhappy couples to get married, or to have children because it seems like the right thing to do. It also influences our spending habits and perpetuates wasteful consumption of goods we likely would not otherwise purchase – think candy at Halloween, or unnecessary gifts at Christmas. In my twenties, I realized that it’s OK to be different and not follow all societal norms. I credit this in part to my international travels and the few years I spent living and working in the Middle East. I realized that the cultural, societal, and religious norms I was used to no longer applied, and society functioned very well. I met people who became engaged and whose culture did not purchase engagement rings. I realized a relief in retail pressure to purchase goods at Christmas in a mall where retailers don’t observe Christmas. I saw that kids were fine without dressing up on October 31^st. I realized that many of the things engrained as societal norms and traditions in my culture were planted there by corporations to make us buy more rather than to celebrate something important. For example, most kids think of Easter as a time to eat chocolate left by a fictional ‘Easter Bunny’ rather than celebrate the religious meaning of the day. Similarly, most associate Christmas with decorating the house, Christmas trees, ‘Santa Claus’, and gifts, again instead celebrating its religious meaning. It’s common for children to plan their ‘Christmas wish lists’ months in advance in hopes that the fictional ‘Santa Claus’ will bring them the gifts they desire. I spent most of my life participating in these traditions and societal norms (and I still do to some extent to keep the peace), but now I am aware of the societal pressures trying to influence my spending habits, and I try to not let these pressures guide my decision-making.

3-Month’s Salary on an Engagement Ring

The common rule in society is to spend three-months’ salary on an engagement ring, or ¼ of the yearly salary. Many people follow this rule without question. But why would we follow a strange rule when making such an expensive purchase? For someone earning a respectable salary of $65,000/year, the three-month rule dictates that they should spend $16,250 on that engagement ring. The three-month rule comes from a very successful marketing campaign from the De Beers diamond company, released in the 1930s (Hecht, 2020). Since then, the rule has maintained a stronghold in society as the right amount one should spend on the special ring. Does anyone else think it’s a conflict of interest that the company selling the diamonds is responsible for setting the societal expectation for the amount to spend on a diamond? This is the common theme; retailers are behind many of the societal pressures we feel to purchase things throughout the year and our lifetime. The expectation should not be to spend three-months’ salary on an engagement ring; you should spend the amount that is right for you. You may even consider not purchasing an engagement ring at all since that – once again – it is not required for you and your partner to have a meaningful and successful relationship.

It’s OK to not have Kids

Traditionally, after a couple is married, they have children. It is the normal thing to do. However, we have the choice about whether to have children, and it is only something that you should do after carefully considering it. There are various important considerations including the stability of your relationship with your spouse, your lifestyle, your ability to both financially and emotionally support children, etc. Many people have children because they are doing what their friends are doing, or following a similar life plan to what their parents did, or because it’s a societal norm. The decision to have children is likely the most impactful decision of your life, and it should be carefully considered. I’m not advocating for or against children – I realize that the global population and economy will collapse if we stop having children – I am simply suggesting that we all make decisions for ourselves and not let societal pressures guide our important life choices.

Retail Occasion Spending

Have you ever noticed that retail stores and advertisements are continuously targeting the next occasion? Stores are decorated for Halloween, and the next day, they are promoting their Christmas items. There are no breaks throughout the year as retailers shift from one occasion to the next. Below is a list of the various retail occasions we have in Canada & the US. We are constantly being promoted the items we should be purchasing for the next occasion.

These retail spending occasions are a sort of positive feedback loop, meaning that the more people participate in them, the more normalized they become, and the more other people begin to participate in them. Halloween spending in the US, for example, has increased 370% between 2005 and 2023, from $3.3 Billion to $12.2 Billion (Tighe, 2023). Similarly, Americans collectively spent 4% more on Christmas spending each year in the same period between 2005 and 2023; only in 2008 was there a decrease in year-over-year retail sales (Sabanoglu, 2023). Not only are we spending more each year on retail occasions, but the additional consumption also leads to more waste. Be mindful of this and don’t feel that you need to participate in all these spending occasions. Here are some of the questions I ask myself before purchasing something:

Why am I buying this item? Is it because I came to the decision on my own, or because I feel societal pressure to?

Societal pressure could be from friends or family, advertisements, or it could be from a tradition that you have followed since childhood. I encourage you to question these pressures and traditions and realize that many of them are engineered by retailers to make us feel like we need to spend.

How long until the item I am purchasing will end up in the landfill?

Almost everything we purchase will ultimately end up in the landfill, but we should consciously try to maximize the useful life of items we buy and minimize waste. A useful or practical gift can serve the recipient for years, while a cheap child’s toy may only be used for a few hours before being discarded. If you’re unsure of a gift to purchase, consider a grocery gift card for a nearby grocery store, since everyone can use that! If it’s a child, consider giving cash for the parents to put toward a college fund.

Is a physical gift the best way to convey what I intend?

You may find yourself in a jewelry store shopping for a bracelet for your mother before Mother’s Day – we have all seen ads that state something like ‘Your mother deserves jewelry this Mother’s Day’. Instead of the bracelet to show appreciation, perhaps an activity would be more memorable and less wasteful. Maybe a picnic and walk in the city’s botanical garden, or a traditional high tea, or a cooking class, or visiting a farmer’s market or a museum or art gallery. All these examples are ways that you can spend quality time showing gratitude that doesn’t include buying a physical gift that you don’t know if or when it will be used.

References:

Hecht, A. (2020, February 14). You don’t need to spend three months’ salary on an engagement ring—Here’s what to do instead. CNBC. https://www.cnbc.com/2020/02/13/why-you-dont-need-to-spend-three-months-salary-on-an-engagement-ring.html

Sabanoglu, T. (2023, November 8). Christmas in the U.S.: Holiday retail sales year-to-year change percentage 2023. Statista. https://www.statista.com/statistics/209299/year-to-year-percentage-of-change-in-holiday-retail-sales-in-the-us-since-2000/

Tighe, D. (2023, September 25). Annual Halloween expenditure in the United States 2005-2023. Statista. https://www.statista.com/statistics/275726/annual-halloween-expenditure-in-the-united-states/